MANifesto

Girls stop giving it away. You have it, they want it. Make them work for it. Don't play that bs "i want it too" card, because we all know we can hold out longer than they can. You can get your shit paid for by bring cute and charming and witty and not having to give it up.

Chapter 1: How to not be retarded
You are the only one that's going to look out for you. Do a good job of it.
It's ok to get drunk, but never drink to the point where your safety is in someone else's hands. Always know your surroundings, and always know its Ok to leave. Also always ALWAYS know, if you don't want to, you don't have to.
Never blame any of your actions on you being drunk. That's a cheap way out, and we all know you intended on doing it before you drank anything.

Chapter 2: How to have fun, even if it's not fun
We all have rolled up to a situation filled with uggos and gumps. Go into everything with an "all is not lost" attitude. If you look like you're having fun, people will think you're having fun, and will start to think they're having fun, and soon everyone will be having fun thats real. Or at least it will be good for pics.
Nobody knows what they're doing, but if you look you do, people will believe you. Command a room. Be the life of your own party, and everyone else will attend.

Chapter 3: Spend time by yourself
Ride the metro or some shit. Eye fuck strangers. Once you're married and have kids and a pomeranian, you can't do this anymore. So be harmlessly slutty on public transportation. Listen to music others will judge you for but that you love.

Chapter 4: Don't date d-bags
They're surprisingly easy to spot. If someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don't make excuses for anyone. Don't be flakey. Be nice to those that are nice. Good boys are easy to find, you're probably just ignoring them cause they're not cute. Also, if you're sitting around unearthing cold mazzerella sticks and salsa wondering why you don't have a boyfriend, it's because you're eating cold mazzy sticks and salsa. Go out and make your own luck. There will always be someone happy to date you, you just have to search uninhibited. I once dated a guy for a month who i thought was autistic. Wow, that's embarrassing.

Chapter 5: Don't talk about yourself all the time
It's annoying and people will tire of you quickly

Chapter 6: Date early, date often
Have several balls in the air at once. If you date four 6's, that equals dinners paid for. Enjoy other's company with no expectations. Also this will make you seem less clingy and more desirable. Also when you do meet one that's good, you can fully know what you want based on what you have.

Chapter 7: Be funny
Fuck if it's totes innapropes. Someone will think it's funny, and tell someone about something you said, thus you will be indelible. Be confident even when you lookin rough. Walk with your shoulders back. act like you know something even when you didn't do the reading.

Water Aerobics Fail

Todays topic of discussion: I got a B+ in water aqua aerobics.


You, jury of the internet, can determine for yourself the grade that should've been merited based off my final essay.


Molly Martinez
Aqua Aerobics

Last spring break, Anita and I fasted for weeks, packed up our tankinis, and hopped on a plane Puerto Rico bound. Puerto Rico is an island, surrounded by water (they usually are), and chalk full of water sport enthusiasts. Upon arrival, one of the first things we did was head to the beach. Usually with girls our age, laying out on the sand getting over heated and premature onset melanoma is the most attractive aspect of the ubiquitous sandy sprawl, but for Anita and I, not entirely as prepared for tankini season as we had hoped, hit the water. First, we dove in a consensually splashed around. Then we played “duck or jump”, which is a game of wit, agility, and watching Anita get her wig knocked off by towering, percy-jackson-and-the -lightning-thief-son-of-zeus, but-you-don't-find-out-until-half-way-through-the-movie-because-the-whole-plot-is-based-off-his-new-found-god-like-powers forced waves.

After that game, Anita and I tried to no avail to flirt with the wake boarding boys, but failed miserably because we don't speak Puerto Rican, as well as the fact that we're really bad at flirting and not drowning at the same time. This all has a point, I assure you, because the wake boarding boys had hot bods, which is a result of water activity, so you too, can have dumpy tankini-clad drowning Americans be all up on your wake boarding tip.

Day two in Puerto Rico, my trusty side kick (which is also an aqua aerobics move) Anita and I went out on a boat, which was a convenient way to mask some boat riders “morning sickness” with “sea sickness”, but that is neither here nor there. We docked about a half a mile from shore, and decided it was in our best interest to swim to shore. Retrospectively, just because you can see it, doesn't mean you can sea it. That swim was far as hell. To make matters worse, about halfway to our destination, we got it in our heads that there was an over-crowded public school of hammer-head sharks, thirsty for the blood of novice swimmers gift wrapped in tankinis. That got our fins moving, and we made it to the shore in Michael Phelps time.

The moral of the story is, if it hadn't been for our natural aptitude in water, Anita and I would be surrounded by license plates, and tires, and that 13 year old surfers arm in the stomach of a shark. Thanks, Aqua Aerobics!

Gems

Lincoln Blogs

Native American Rap Group Names/ Themes

• Navahos


• Smokahontis


• Biggie Small Pox


• Ill-gonquian


• Trail of Beers


• Spittin Bull

To Do:

1. Boys


2. Not fail this class

SURPRISE LINK!!


Marion Barry Memorial Tour Map


View Marion Barry's DC in a larger map

What Tuition money Goes Towards

Mmm Delicious

View The Cow District in a larger map

Iced-Tea Party

The tea party is a joke.

Ke$ha is the musical guest on SNL tonight. She is covered in highlighter and letting out some half-yoddle half-fog horn cry, and singing lyrics like "I like your beard", "Don't be a b**** with your chit-chat, just show me where your d**** at". Let's start with what's wrong with this:

1. She ends in a preposition

2. She is younger, and making 100 times more income

I hate the youth. As well as tea party members.

Easter

I don't get the point of making a huge deal of easter. I went home, and my parents had an easter egg hunt for my brothers and I. Egg hunts are obsolete. Didn't we all win the ultimate egg hunt by being born?
Also, everyone made a huge deal of jesus dying for our sins. But every year we would get out eggs, and dye them ourselves. There was a lot of dyeing going on.

iblogural Post

I feel like a more technologically advanced Anne Frank. If you think about it, she was the original blogger.